Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Friends in Heaven

Grief is hard work ! Just plain exhausting.  A year ago, I (the Scrapster) lost my best friend, mentor and sister Shadow, the best Black Lab in the world!  Hard to believe she has been gone a whole year!  Missing her is  practically a daily occurance. 

 Sometimes, I forget she is gone and I still check out the log bed downstairs or look out in the kennel where she always loved to just lay in the sun.  (That's where she is, I just know it.  But, no...I still haven't been able to find her. 
 I miss snoozing with her on her great big soft bed.  I love the way she gently opened her mouth , pretending to chow down on my tiny little head while growling REALLY loudly in play...Hiking with her was the absolute best, because she knew where all the exciting places were to explore and led me on some of the greatest adventures of my life.  Chasing Squirrels, Chipmunks...treeing Grouse.  Going on walks with her was always memorable...delightful... I can still smell her sometimes.  That helps, but the sadness is often overwhelming and even at times unbearable.  I  wonder where she is and what she is doing out there, wherever she is.  I worry that she may be hungry or thirsty ...perhaps lonely and needing a friend to just lay with her!  I regret that I never got to say a proper goodbye...I wish I could thank her for all she taught me, the time she spent chasing after me, the love that she showed me.  I just can't forget her!  ...Sometimes from far-a-way, my mind plays TRICKS on me because I think I see her walk by outside with a stranger or at the dog park, but it is never my Shadow.  My one true Shadow. 

I know my family grieves for her too.  People seem to grieve in their own individual way for friends they have lost, friends who have gone to far away Heaven and that's okay.  It must work for them.  Some like to talk about their lost friend and tell stories over and over about all the special  memories they have had together, some just cry (alot)  People surrounding those who have recently LOST a friend never know quite how to act or what exactly they should say (or not say)    Mostly, many feel it's better to just avoid the subject, talk about other things...they seem to be hoping to take their mind off that lost friend, but in reality,...It never works.  The truth is that their grief and sadness consumes their every waking moment, especially at first.  Missing a friend just hurts.  Time helps soften that pain, but missing a friend can leave a huge hole in your heart, change the way one looks the world, change a person completely.  Sometimes for the better (It can make them more compassionate), but sometimes it takes a long while for them to come around.  People who have lost someone often remember them in special ways with memorials, letting balloons go, hanging a Christmas stocking, planting trees, shrubs or flowers in their honor... or simply buying gifts for complete strangers who remind them of the person they have lost.  Sadly, grief can sometimes leave a person angry and bitter.  They might not want to get out of bed, they might never want to give up the belongings of the one they've lost...they may not want to wash the clothes or bedding that they slept in.  These are all normal human feelings and ways that people seem to cope.  Some just need MORE time.  Never push.  Never question.  Just be there and Listen.  Say you are sorry!  Remember their loved one's birth and death date.  Send them a card and let them know you care.   In time, they will be okay.  Never the same, but okay.  And one day (there is no real time frame) they will smile and laugh again, although they might feel a little guilty at first.   Their steps will be slow and small at first, but the healing is in the walking.  One foot in front of the other.  Just moving forward...the hole in their heart still there, yes...but hope is now filling in all around it.  Their lost loved one now watches over them from above and Someday, not in the too distant future, they shall meet up with their long lost SHADOW again at the gate.


  1. hello there,
    we just found you on the hop and wanted to tell you, what you have written is very beautiful and it touched my heart. i am sorry for your loss, it reminded me of my 3 dogs that are now heaven, so your words brought tears to my eyes. on a light note, you are one cute pup!

    ♥ yuki, rocket, and their human melissa

  2. Losing a dog is the worst. They are literally a part of your family and their time is so short here on Earth. You've captured the moments that make death so cruel and the moments that make life so perfect.

  3. Thanks for the love and support:)

    Goodbyes are never easy!

    Blogging isn't either. Blog Hopping will probably wear me out, but I'll give it a go and jump around a bit checking you all out:)

  4. Lovely, lovely post. I'll come back to read some more when my grief over the loss of our Tucker is not so fresh.